Warning: This blog post contains personal information some readers may be uncomfortable with!
I owe some apologies....I have allowed the self obssessive part of me to take over for a little bit (sometimes it just catches up with me and I can't stop OR choose not to). If I hold it under control for too long it takes over, I can feel it happening and the majority of the time I can check it before it gets out of control. What have I been obsessing about? Homeschool, food allergies, renting in suburbia, marriage, kids, my businesses, cars, money? A little...but....
There I said it - Facebook - it has become an obsession - I have tried not turning the computer on - lasts until about my second cup of decaf (ditched the caffeine again about 2 weeks ago), have tried setting aside a time to check posts, notifications and messages - I hear that ping of a new message or a chat box opens up and I have to answer (one friend actually asked me a question once joking that I would be quicker than Google! - I wasn't because I hadn't been at my computer - I know rare!)
Maybe, it's not Facebook I'm obsessed with but more what it provides - access to people, their comments, their businesses and their lives. I have always been pretty awful at making friends and then maintaining those friendships (problem with being Aspergers - I know that now and working hard to change a little but within my rules/comfort zone). I want to help, want to share my knowledge of allergies, food intolerances and their links with autism, health, behaviour and general well being. I see so many posts from people hurting and dealing with the situations we have been threw and I want to point them in a direction that may help - I wish someone had shown us where to look for help years ago. Everything I have learned from my own extensive research and experience with my family.
I started my own website years ago - when I was just learning about websites, blogs and the big 'world wide web' Sensitive to Food if you care to look (little neglected these past few months but still some basic info to start you off). Need to add more about our FAILSAFE journey and elimination diets.
Oops back again - sorry new post in one of my many facebook groups and an email from one of my Phoenix team. I am beginning to think I am spreading myself too thin again, in danger of losing me! Actually to be honest - I haven't be able to find me yet - lost somewhere between wife, mother, sister, daughter and teacher! In danger of getting grumpy with my kids and husband because I am too busy and have too many little projects started and nothing nearing completion. Haven't written any dates down in my diary and I know there are things I need to deal with because I have been opening the letters and filing them away in a big pile on the kitchen bench next to the computer - actually they're in a box around here somewhere (had guests visit so had to hid the disorganised chaos) - bills to pay, stalls to book, email newsletters to write, customers to follow up with, meals to plan and a budget to get on top of etc...
I still dream of writing my autobiography one day. Every night as I fall asleep I write another imaginary paragraph in my head - I wonder if I actually had written these down I probably would have most of it written by now? I remember reading "Look me in the eye" by John Robison, about a boy who grew up with Aspergers but wasn't diagnosed until he was a lot older - he wrote his book in 2 weeks. I know that if I let myself go I would do that too, but then who would look after the family if I went off on a manic! I am not a diagnosed manic depressive but I could be? I fill out those online questionnaires - don't you? I can usually tick all the symptoms in the conditions lists!
I have suffered postnataldepression each time with 3 children - but on reflection think I have always been depressed with periods of highs and that post babies were just a periods of intense lows, an exacerbation of underlying symptoms (tried medication and refer to that period of time as zombie mum - had no feelings). Ever read a book called MotherGuilt? We are on a no win from day one of even thinking about starting a family!
The elimination diet and prior to that having to finally admit I had issues with gluten and dairy and eliminate from them my diet (gf/cf for autism is well documented) have clarified many ills I had. I seem to be more in control of my moods but having recently suffered my 6th miscarriage in 7 years the cracks are starting to show again. I have 3 beautiful unique children and just want to try for one more time (have had 2 miscarriages in the last 12 months and am not recovering well from the last one). I'm 38 this year and don't feel I am too old - the pregnancies with the boys were hard, but our daughter was a breeze.
Mine has been a tale of love, sex, grief, relationships, travel, adventure, risks, higher education, employment, family, children, depression, allergies and autism - all the key ingredients for a cracking good read!
Well, if you came looking for a blog about homeschooling - my apologies. As well as blogging about being a homeschool mum I also try and cover autism, allergies, FAILSAFE eating and living, websites, internet marketing, running my own business as an Independent Phoenix Trader and also exploring my craft side by creating jewellery and accessories from buttons and fashioning womens neckwear from mens neckties! See my latest website Ties'n'Buttons!
I have Facebook pages for both my businesses (of course I do!)
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Apologies for the lack of posts, promoting my businesses, the randomness of this post and for sharing personal information you may find uncomfortable - I have a habit of doing that - sorry!